Psycho Killer

The following is an open letter to people I have met and probably should have told them when I knew/interacted with them but didn't for whatever reason. I have not changed any of the names because then what would be the point of that?

Mrs. Bobinsky, first grade teacher - I missed you a lot when you left halfway through the year. I don't even remember the replacement teacher's name, that's how much I missed you.

Joe ????? - You are one of the most genuine people I have met and always had a smile.

Jordan Bloom - One time you invited me to spend the night while we were in first grade and I didn't really want to but thankfully my mom said I couldn't. But you were one of the cool kids so I thought I probably should to improve my street cred.

Michelle Cason - You kicked me really hard once under the table in 4th grade and I have never been more mad at a female in my life than I was with you at that moment.

Adam Odell - Remember when we went to San Diego and hung out with your friend from back home and there was a huge party and the cops came and I hid in the bedroom because I was only 19?

Adam Book - Best concert ever - Blues Traveler: July 4, 1997. Oh wait, it was a terrible concert. I know Baker went with us, but I don't know who else. But you and I went up and met the saxophonist for Agents of Good Roots with the hopes he would let us go backstage and meet Blues Traveler. He did not.

Frau Ziesche, German teacher - Sorry about all the Nazi comments. I didn't truly believe you were a Nazi. Not that there is anything wrong with that...

Erin Vandertop - Sorry I made fun of the way you run.

Robin ????? - I still am embarrassed about meeting you for the first time and saying, "Like Robin Redbreast?" and looking down and seeing your red shirt.

Skye ????? - You really were a cocky guy. But you still made out with Kristen and she was a skank with a lazy-eye.

Michael Stipe - I had dream once that I met you and you converted to be a born-again Christian. Well? Did you?

Joe Reinsch - Sorry I never scheduled lunch with you after you came back. I just didn't know how much we had in common and didn't care enough to find out.

Gary Pine - We had met on at least five different occasions before that.

Mystikal - My friend Ryan Plant knows the words to all of your first few records. I think they all suck, though.

Jennifer Barbone - I probably would have made out with you if I had known you were coming on to me and not just lacking any concept of personal space.

Jeremy ????? - You always scared me. And then you tried to make me talk to Mikyla for you. And that scared me even more. But you were the only person I ever knew who owned a Sega Saturn.

Brian Petit - Tom Petty's Honey Bee makes me think of you, not for the obvious reasons, but because we sat in the Honda one day listening to the song and laughing at the absurdity of it. It wasn't until much later that I realized no one listened to Tom Petty.

Kristen Buonpane - We said we'd get married at 70 if we were both still single and to be honest, I was a little scared of that kind of commitment. If you want to back out now, I'd be fine with it.

In the Line of Fire - You made me push my mother on to the ground so I could see your climactic ending and then she said I couldn't watch R-rated movies anymore.

Dan Fody - I truly miss your humor and didn't realize how clever, creative, and brilliant you truly were until I didn't have you around. You are the only person I know who could write for the Simpsons. I hope you are.

Chris Kelly - Similar as above, except you also had a great laugh.

Rick Lehman - You were a jerk to me, most of the time.

Peter ????? - Same as above and if you weren't mentally handicapped somebody would have stopped you.

Random friend of the Hummels - I really didn't want that bucket full of rocks to hit you in the face but I kind of did, too.

Johnny and Jimmy ????? - Same as above, except the rocks were singular, not in bucket form.

Buzz Ziegler's daughter - In case you didn't figure it out, it was us who put the note on the motorcycle that said, "Is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?" and "Is that your head or did your pants fall down?" I know you saw Leslie acting cool like she didn't do it and I always assumed you figured out it was us because it was her.

Leslie Malcom - Why didn't you hide?!? It would have been SOOO much better!

Butterscotch the Calf - I bet I could ride you now...

Cory Sutton - I think I accidentally deleted an email from you because it was sent to my spam folder and I didn't check it before I deleted it but thought I saw your name. No way to retrieve those, though.

Keith Sutton - I stole your Red Hot Chili Peppers album "Blood Sugar Sex Magik" in 1995 or 1996. If you want, I'll buy you another one. By the way, the case was broken when I got it so don't expect a mint replacement.

Viviana Soto - Calm down.

Well, that's all for now. More later if the pen is willing...