This has been an overwhelming November for me. First, I voted even though economically speaking it makes no sense. Then, I decided to buy stock to stimulate the economy. Then, I played through Weezer's My Name is Jonas on medium and only missed 4 or 5 notes in it. Then I played football-with other people. Then, today I ANSWERED A GOVERNMENTAL SURVEY!
I couldn't believe my luck when five days ago I got a notice from the census bureau saying I would be receiving a survey in a few days and I would have to fill it out and it would be not only an American thing to do, it would be against law not to. So I spent 30 minutes today while CSI: Miami was on in the background answering questions about my raceemploymentincomeinsurance, my wife's raceemploymentincomeinsurance, my brother's raceemploymentincomeinsurance, etc. And I hope they take this information and turn this world into a better place.
I did just realize, however, that I might be sending an identity theft a lot of my information, so if this is a complex scam, congratulations! Here, take my hand! Take my whole life, too! Because I can't stop falling in love with you! Hmmm. Something isn't right...
11.29.2008
11.28.2008
That's the way we became the Brady Bunch!
Black Friday update: One maintenance worker dead in an NY Wal*Mart after being trampled by frugal shoppers. Two people shot in a Palm Desert Toys*R*Us over a "personal dispute."
I went to Circuit City and didn't see anything there worth shooting someone over.
I went to Michael's and almost had a panic attack because I felt so out of place. I seriously debated buying a cookie tin (A COOKIE TIN) just so I could use my 50% off one item coupon.
I went to Lowe's and the garage storage unit that had been marked $50 off was already sold out. Apparently you can't go into a store at 2 pm and expect the hot deals to be lined up for you.
I was watching an auction on eBay for a "Umlocked iPhone" (sic) that was incredibly low but then the seller pulled it from the webernet so no one could bid on it. Apparently he wanted more than $11.50 for it.
I did buy a router on eBay but that was mostly so I could use my coupon.
Also, Stephen left today for the Great Northwest. I guess I'll have to get by somehow.
I went to Circuit City and didn't see anything there worth shooting someone over.
I went to Michael's and almost had a panic attack because I felt so out of place. I seriously debated buying a cookie tin (A COOKIE TIN) just so I could use my 50% off one item coupon.
I went to Lowe's and the garage storage unit that had been marked $50 off was already sold out. Apparently you can't go into a store at 2 pm and expect the hot deals to be lined up for you.
I was watching an auction on eBay for a "Umlocked iPhone" (sic) that was incredibly low but then the seller pulled it from the webernet so no one could bid on it. Apparently he wanted more than $11.50 for it.
I did buy a router on eBay but that was mostly so I could use my coupon.
Also, Stephen left today for the Great Northwest. I guess I'll have to get by somehow.
11.22.2008
11.08.2008
This one's for me/not for anyone else/I need it you see
I threw all I had, into the sea...
I voted on Tuesday, and it was a big deal for me. I hadn't voted in a few years and it was primarily from an economic standpoint: my vote doesn't count. It just doesn't. But a couple of weeks ago, I decided that if there was even a chance that Sen. Barack Obama could bring about the change he was championing, I wanted to say I had a part in it.
I went to the my polling place and got choked up as I walked to the door. I couldn't say why, really, I just felt that voting in this election went beyond civic duty, beyond being the right thing to do, and became something I was compelled to do because somewhere in this cynical mind of mine, I love this country. It was while reading Audacity of Hope that I realized that despite our nation's warts and ugly scars there is still something redeemable about this place.
And late Tuesday night, something happened that hasn't happened in years: I was proud to be an American.
Yesterday a couple of my coworkers (from Europe) said they were scared by McCain's concession speech, especially when he said that, "America is the greatest country in the world." I think they were concerned with the nationalistic tone of the statement and even, jokingly, compared him to Hitler and Mussolini. And I'm sure that blind nationalism is entirely scary to foreigners, especially those whose country was bowled over by tanks and guns and soldiers who believed their own country was the greatest in the world.
But a phrase like that is similar to saying your family is the greatest in the world. Not only is it relative (no pun), but you say it despite the members who don't talk to each other or the way they treat outsiders or their seemingly contradictory stance on gossip about other members. You say it because you need to know that something you belong to is significant. And you say it because you need convincing that you can put up with all of the silly/stupid/bad things. And you say it for you. It's not a judgment on other families; it's a statement that reconciles your sphere of influence with your insecurities.
And that's why I say this is the greatest country in the world: because when I compare America to other nations, we fall short in many ways. But when I realize that the same rich history which caused many of our problems also inherently allows us the ability to change who we are, I realize I wouldn't give that up.
I'm proud to be American. And I'm proud to have voted, not because it counted, but because I could.
I voted on Tuesday, and it was a big deal for me. I hadn't voted in a few years and it was primarily from an economic standpoint: my vote doesn't count. It just doesn't. But a couple of weeks ago, I decided that if there was even a chance that Sen. Barack Obama could bring about the change he was championing, I wanted to say I had a part in it.
I went to the my polling place and got choked up as I walked to the door. I couldn't say why, really, I just felt that voting in this election went beyond civic duty, beyond being the right thing to do, and became something I was compelled to do because somewhere in this cynical mind of mine, I love this country. It was while reading Audacity of Hope that I realized that despite our nation's warts and ugly scars there is still something redeemable about this place.
And late Tuesday night, something happened that hasn't happened in years: I was proud to be an American.
Yesterday a couple of my coworkers (from Europe) said they were scared by McCain's concession speech, especially when he said that, "America is the greatest country in the world." I think they were concerned with the nationalistic tone of the statement and even, jokingly, compared him to Hitler and Mussolini. And I'm sure that blind nationalism is entirely scary to foreigners, especially those whose country was bowled over by tanks and guns and soldiers who believed their own country was the greatest in the world.
But a phrase like that is similar to saying your family is the greatest in the world. Not only is it relative (no pun), but you say it despite the members who don't talk to each other or the way they treat outsiders or their seemingly contradictory stance on gossip about other members. You say it because you need to know that something you belong to is significant. And you say it because you need convincing that you can put up with all of the silly/stupid/bad things. And you say it for you. It's not a judgment on other families; it's a statement that reconciles your sphere of influence with your insecurities.
And that's why I say this is the greatest country in the world: because when I compare America to other nations, we fall short in many ways. But when I realize that the same rich history which caused many of our problems also inherently allows us the ability to change who we are, I realize I wouldn't give that up.
I'm proud to be American. And I'm proud to have voted, not because it counted, but because I could.
10.21.2008
Does that make me a stranger?
It struck me today that there are several things that either make you a genius or very truly crazy and the line is very thin:
1. Creating an alter ego. This can be seen in musicians, actors, writers, et al, but can also be found in the guy on the corner telling you that he is either Superman, Jesus Christ, or a grilled cheese sandwich.
2. Growing a beard and not caring about your appearance. Again, either you have rejected society's standards or society has rejected yours.
3. Writing poetry. Writing poetry well makes you a genius. Writing poetry poorly makes you a lifeless ingenue.
4. People who commit suicide. If you kill yourself for art, you are a troubled genius who saw this life as the sham it was. If you kill yourself for a religion, girlfriend, or just happened to be experimenting with some weird choking fetish, you are crazy.
5. Being a politician. Either you are absolutely infatuated with humankind and its improvement or you are a megalomaniacal narcissist who will try to kill us all.
6. Speaking several languages. People who can speak and study in several languages are brilliant, but people who speak in several languages to no one in particular are crazy.
So far, this is it. First the good news: if you aren't one of these people, you aren't crazy. Bad news? If you aren't one of these people, you aren't a genius.
1. Creating an alter ego. This can be seen in musicians, actors, writers, et al, but can also be found in the guy on the corner telling you that he is either Superman, Jesus Christ, or a grilled cheese sandwich.
2. Growing a beard and not caring about your appearance. Again, either you have rejected society's standards or society has rejected yours.
3. Writing poetry. Writing poetry well makes you a genius. Writing poetry poorly makes you a lifeless ingenue.
4. People who commit suicide. If you kill yourself for art, you are a troubled genius who saw this life as the sham it was. If you kill yourself for a religion, girlfriend, or just happened to be experimenting with some weird choking fetish, you are crazy.
5. Being a politician. Either you are absolutely infatuated with humankind and its improvement or you are a megalomaniacal narcissist who will try to kill us all.
6. Speaking several languages. People who can speak and study in several languages are brilliant, but people who speak in several languages to no one in particular are crazy.
So far, this is it. First the good news: if you aren't one of these people, you aren't crazy. Bad news? If you aren't one of these people, you aren't a genius.
10.14.2008
10.10.2008
Un deux trois, de mirroire noir
Update from the land of Nod:
Almost done with my EMT class. So far, so good: no one dead. My A&P class is going well too, but I can't kill anyone online.
Toby keeps getting into the trash. He used to jump up and grab the bag and pull it down. I filled the bottom of it with at least 40 pounds of rock. Now he just grabs onto the bag and shreds any part of it that is hanging over the edge. I'm going to electrify it next and see if he likes that. Also, I'm going to develop a way to electrify plastic.
I'm thinking about getting my pilot's license. And by thinking about it, I mean watching a show on jets.
Lots going on in the news. My Apple stock is back to what I bought it at. Makes me want to buy more. Which I would, if I weren't saddled with thousands of dollars of debt for education/a house/your mom. She's an expensive one.
Well, kiss my grits.
10.05.2008
Band montaaaaaggggggeeee!!!
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
Giggled a lot at this 'un. See minute 1:51 for my favorite part.
9.22.2008
9.18.2008
9.14.2008
Gotta live, gotta live, gotta live, in a town
Another week has come and gone, and I would be remiss if I neglected to point out my favorite part of the week: a dual broken sprinkler head. One of my favorite things is when automatic sprinklers have a busted piece on them, causing the water to shoot straight up into the air instead of on to the grass. I laugh out loud when I see these and get stupidly giddy.
I don't really know why. If someone asks, I tell them it's just the absurdity of it: someone has cared enough to manicure and care for their lawn but now gallons of water are pouring into the street instead of the lawn. And it just looks silly. I probably shouldn't read into it too much, because I'm tempted to analyze it and search for some deeper meaning about my psyche. Meh. It's just funny.
Trust me: it's funny. Climb into my head and tell me it's not funny. (Mitch Hedburg's new CD is wonderful. Tell the kids.)
9.10.2008
Welcome to paradise...
Don't touch me again John Stamos. Who couldn't get any work. C U later.
9.02.2008
8.31.2008
We're fated to pretend...
It is without irony that I announce my week's wrap-up. These are the bits of minutiae that have saved my life, more than once some of them. In no particular order, here is:
1. The reason voting doesn't matter. Stephen sent me a link to this excellent video which illustrates our small size in the universe, relative to some of the biggest stars in our neighborhood.
2. Obama's acceptance speech. Even the fine Pat Buchanan heaped praise on this beaut:
3. Stephen finished his first week actually out on the streets. He has a blog which you can find here. He's a good boy.
4. We jumped the fence last night and swam in our neighbor's pool. The house is for sale and you can buy it here if you want.
Well, that's all for now.
P.S. means post-script.
1. The reason voting doesn't matter. Stephen sent me a link to this excellent video which illustrates our small size in the universe, relative to some of the biggest stars in our neighborhood.
2. Obama's acceptance speech. Even the fine Pat Buchanan heaped praise on this beaut:
3. Stephen finished his first week actually out on the streets. He has a blog which you can find here. He's a good boy.
4. We jumped the fence last night and swam in our neighbor's pool. The house is for sale and you can buy it here if you want.
Well, that's all for now.
P.S. means post-script.
8.26.2008
He hung himself with a guitar string...
Enclosed find a link to an awesome article on locavores, or people who insist that all food should be grown and consumed locally. It's a long 'un, but worth the read. His overarching argument is that it is unreasonable to 1) assume all regions of the U.S. can grow some (if any!) edible fruits/vegetables and 2) assume that economically, socially, or environmentally the task of localizing food growth is preferred.
To me, the concept has always reeked of flaws. I, and 2 million of my closest friends, live in the middle of a desert. It's going to take water to grow my food. I don't have that water. California does. How about they grow my strawberries and ship them here? That sounds delicious!
And while we're at it, I'll take my cows cloned, too...
To me, the concept has always reeked of flaws. I, and 2 million of my closest friends, live in the middle of a desert. It's going to take water to grow my food. I don't have that water. California does. How about they grow my strawberries and ship them here? That sounds delicious!
And while we're at it, I'll take my cows cloned, too...
8.19.2008
It's true we name our children after towns we've never been to
Enclosed please find a link to a local report about an explosion at my high school where I'm currently employed. It should be noted that they neglected any mention of the brilliant, thought-provoking, and mildly attractive English teacher who heard the boom and assumed it was a piece of plywood falling.
8.18.2008
I wish it was Funday...
8.08.2008
Stuck in the middle with you
8.07.2008
Don't you know that I love you...
Great article enclosed about 5 Scientific Theories that will blow your mind. I especially like number 1. It makes me feel small, which is nice, because I've been eating a lot this week →
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