Still more south

YS just finished. That's good. Mostly because I get to see my wife again. She is pretty friggin incredible. Right now she's in class after spending all morning putting in time for her clinical at a local hospital. I really admire her for that. Not a lot of people have the amount of care she has for people and I'm really excited for her to be able to get into a career that suits her so well. Nursing, that is. Good times.

We beat Halo 2 yesterday morning. Disappointing ending but in the age of marketing you've got to leave people wanting more. We had the Xbox hooked up to the projector for our display, took down the mirror on the hotel room wall, and played actual size Halo. That was pretty rad.

Not much else is here. I'm getting fat and that makes me sad. I really don't want to die of congestive heart failure and right now I feel like my heart is just trying to keep its head above the grease I've drowned it in.

I'm not sure most people think about death as much as I do. I've never really asked anyone because you sound like a nutjob if you do ask. But maybe that's my answer: it's abnormal to think about death. I guess mankind has always had questions about it and some would argue religion came out of those questions. It's just a weird thing that the molecules and atoms and cells in our bodies eventually quit. I don't know what that's like and that's scary. I do find comfort in my faith, but there is a lot of unknown there and with that much unknown, it can unnerve me if I think about it too much.

And American culture is not too tolerant of death, either. We put our dying into nice clean rooms where we can visit them if we want to but not if we don't. And we make them look alive at their funerals so we can remember them as alive and not dead (as though there is something wrong with being dead). We say, "at least he went quickly" or "she went quietly while she was asleep" but the rest of our lives we are praised for avoiding death or escaping it miraculously. How many times are we reminded to eat healthy or exercise or not drink or be safe in a lifetime? But then we're supposed to go quickly and painlessly when "our time comes?" That's odd. It's as though there is some point when we should embrace this thing which we've spent every minute trying to get away from.

Humans are nuts.

It's okay to be sad and grieve but don't always talk about it because that's just crazy talk. "Focus on life, not death." Okay. Which part of life should I focus on, the part that makes me live longer or the part that kills me slowly? Should I eat healthy and avoid food high in fats, sodiums, sugars, and too much potassium (because that could kill me, too)? Should I avoid driving on the freeways and walking beneath high buildings and using a cell phone (because of the radiation, idiot)? Or should I "just be aware of the risk" of terrorism and robbers and burglers and rapists so I can sleep better at night (but not too much sleep or then I'm just lazy)? Whatever.

I'm going to think about death because it bothers me and I'm going to try and live as long as I can so I can eat more food and play more video games and spend more time with my wife and dog. I'm going to exercise if I feel like it and buy baggy clothes and drive fast and not care about my life because I've already given it to Someone else. I'm sick and tired of trying to prolong a boring life. I want Him to have it all and if I die I'll see Him sooner than I thought I would and if I'm alive then I still need to experience something else.

Maybe it's just me.