I'm only happy when it rains

Thus begins the second straight day of writing. Note the time of entry to discern my commitment to this endeavor...

I went to the orthodontist today. The news he gave me was much more encouraging than the last orthodontist. This quote came in at $700 with a whitening included (with no braces, only retainers at night) versus the other guy, which came to $3300 and a year of braces. I'm not sure what this means. And where is Asian number 1 cutting corners? (See they're both Asians so I can say things like this. I have an Asian orthodontist.)

I sent a couple of emails today to people in charge of my masters program. We'll see what happens with that whole thing. I think I get to take a couple of more classes and something else. Oh yeah, the paper and the test.

Do I want to try to be an adjunct professor at APU? Short answer, probably. But if the requirements are as easy as they might be (and if I'm done after Sumner's class), maybe I should push to finish in December. Weird. That should give me some short-term motivation. Just what I needed...

I'm not sure how much more typing I can stand. A writer without a voice is a like a singer without a hand.

Clever? Not really. Hence my issues...

Peace to all.


But she breaks just like a little girl

I don't know what to do with my life. I really don't. And the movies or books or cliches of a wandering 20-something suddenly make sense. There is just this feeling of unrest and opportunity at the same time bubbling in side of me. Like I could do anything in the world if I wanted to but I have no idea what I want to do.

It's not like I'm lost. I know right where I am. I just don't know why. The reasons that I had for getting here have either changed entirely or have been forgotten and I wish that I could come up with a few better ones. But what really would change if I did? What if I knew exactly why I was doing what I'm doing now in the job in the neighborhood with the friends with the life "and blah, blah, blah" (to quote S and G)? Would my day to day life change? Or would just my outlook be a little different? Am I looking for peace? Lots of things could give me that, ranging from a few stiff drinks or a good nap or a fulfilled sense of purpose. I just don't think that inner peace is a good enough reason for me right now.

Maybe it's a God-sized hole in my heart. Which makes me wonder how He got out of there what with the security system its got on it. Well, if you see him, tell him to get back in there, we've been worried about him.

Also of note: Note to self: You are going to write every day (NO EXCEPTIONS) for the next year, and you can reward yourself by buying a 360 and Halo 3, because it might be out by the time you finish your goal.

Additional note to self: Remember to set overly ambitious goals that you will feel guilty for missing later.


It's getting easy

I'm traveling again. Right now I'm in Edmonton, AB and tomorrow I'm leaving for Minneapolis, MN. Zone meetings are a real kick in the head, I'll tell you.

The past few days have been interesting. I woke up the other day realizing that there is no such thing as knowing something. Everyone who says they "know" something is saying that they have a belief backed by experience, or reason, or history or whatever. For example, if someone says "I know that God exists," they are saying that from what they believe, with whatever information or experience they have had, that God exists. This could be through an emotional experience, a feeling, the logical connection of events, an illogical happening like a miracle, whatever. But to say for certain that God exists and try to define that is impossible.

I realize this sounds odd, but on the flip side, one cannot make any statements about knowledge without using faith. I say that I know the moon exists, but I am putting faith in scientists, the media, my ability to perceive and interpret knowledge, etc. I cannot say that I know the moon exists as an absolute truth because it is essentially unproveable as a stand-alone truth. It must be accompanied by other statements of faith. And that's just the moon, not even trying to prove a concept like love, or faith, or justice, or freedom.

It's so frustrating to have a thought like this and feel like I'm beginning to understand it a little better even though we talked about this concept in one of my classes. Lesslie Newbegin touches on this in one of his books and even though I read the book and understood it I guess I didn't internalize it. Is that the task of a reader to believe?

I like the Dutch. I've felt really at home in Abbotsford and here, and I'm beginning to wonder if I need to move to a Dutch community somewhere. They're good folk.

Bye for now.