Maybe it's me

I feel like I should explain where I am in my life. So I will:

I'm currently at a job that is fairly fulfilling, I have been married just over a year and still trying to figure that out, I have family and extended family that support me (and us) to no end, and I am working towards an American dream I'm not entirely sure I want. It's an odd feeling to know that everything I have is everything I've been told I want, but since as long as I can remember I've never been satisfied with what I am. I'm fairly certain that that is a bit of depression that's always been a part of me and since I'm always looking for another label to slap on myself so I can fit in with another group because I don't really fit in anywhere if I'm myself.

I talked with a dude named Ian awhile ago about who we were, and we both decided that it was a lot easier for us to complain and criticize things, specifically our faith communities, than it was to claim our own manifesto. I mean, I'm such a critical person and the best I seem to offer anyone is what not to do. Which is fine for awhile, but not very productive in the long run.

I just want to get noticed, I guess. And everyone listens to a critic. Whether they want to or not our society trains people to defend themselves and their status quo. So when anyone comes along and says, "this is wrong about you," we automatically determine if that person's words truly carry weight. And if they do, we determine if they are weighty enough to change ourselves. And if not, we assume the critic doesn't know us. But the point is: we still listened. And that's where I am right now. Trying to get heard and not offering any better solutions than just what someone or something can't do.

It works. People assume you have wisdom if you say something loudly. Even if it's empty, at least someone listened.

Maybe that's what our generation needs. Someone to listen to us. Maybe we're just tired of being lumped and categorized and compared that we just have to say something. Look at advertising. "________. It's my anti-drug." (Doing something is better than nothing. ) "Challenge everything." (Make sure you're not assuming anything about anyone.) The internet itself allows for anyone to be "heard" (even me) anywhere in the world. Suddenly crackpot terrorists with access to a webcam carry as power as the national media. That's odd, but promising.

Hear me out, world. I'm gonna complain until someone listens and once they tell me to change something I'm gonna tell them that I don't know how, but I can tell them that it's pretty screwed up as it is. So find someone else to change your world. I'm just hear to tell you that you're not doing a very thorough job.

And that's what scares me. That all I will offer the world is anonymity in the phrase, "Everybody's a critic."

I want to change the world, but I'm not sure how. And instead of joining those who are trying, I'm just riding pine, waiting for change to happen so I can complain some more.