She changes your mind

Today I went to Mater Dolorosa for three hours of meditation and prayer. It was hard for me, because I expected that I was more sensate than it turns out I am. I needed some kind of intellectual stimulation to associate with my spirit. I was always taught that I needed to spend time "alone with God," but I think it's more important that we spend quality time with him. And I'm not sure that I know exactly what that is for me.

I've been trying to fast on Mondays. I have noticed that I love legalism and while good at not eating, still trying to figure out the spiritual aspects of fasting. Today was the third Monday I fasted, but it only lasted until lunch. I'm not sure why. We had communion at the retreat center and here was how the inner dialogue went when I saw our professor pull out the elements:

"You shouldn't have that. It's food."
"But it's Holy Food and that means you should eat it."
"Great point. In fact, how could there be a better way to break a fast?"
"There couldn't be. When's lunch?"

So I ate lunch and dinner and tried to convince myself that the day was about restraint, not abstinence. Oh boy. What logic. I guess I'm still trying to find that balance between legalism and grace. Oh my goodness I want to know grace more. I'm still thinking about the tattoo.

Wayne and I had a good talk today. I love him.

I think I'll post my paper next. Go team.

Love to me.