There are some times when I just look at the world around me, mostly just the alley off Vista Bonita in Glendora, and think that life is going well. I love the way the sunset feels, you know? The sun has just barely set and the air is cooling down and the only way to feel anything is just to take off your clothes and stand there, staring at the sky. I have to look through the power lines and phone lines and junk, but the air just feels like the Earth is happy to have us all here. When it's raining, the Earth seems like it's trying to wash us all down the drain or something.
Tuesday evening was one of those perfect evenings. My wife and I had just finished talking. I grabbed a water, and stepped out our front door and onto our tiny little lawn and just knew that life was worth living. It just was. Everything made sense and there was a tiny moment of lucidity when the human experience was beautiful, flaws and all.
Other days aren't like that. Today it was raining and just felt crappy. Rain just seems like such a waste to me. You can't see anything, you can't go out and love it, in fact when it's raining, everyone and everything tries to stay dry. Animals hide, humans try to cover their heads and run towards shelter, even the sun doesn't try to shine. What's the first thing you need if you are on a desert island? Water. Second thing? Shelter. There's a reason you need a shelter: to keep the water off you. You've never of people drowning during a drought, nope, only in flash floods and rivers and oceans and lakes. I'm just saying: water belongs inside the human body, not falling from the sky and trying to wash us away. The ocean is cool, but only when I know I can get out of it, not when I'm caught in an undertow or something.
There really isn't anything else in my life right now. I'm conflicted because life seems so sunny and stuff but I never know when the rain will come. And I guess someone could tell me that there are seasons for everything, but I still hate the rain.
And I hate when I try to sound philosophical. I don't have the brains to be a philosopher, and I don't have the skills to be an artist. So I'm caught in this netherworld where the mediocre reside. Which is fine, but I just think I'm better than mediocre. Not great or brilliant or anything, just upper-middle normal. We'll all float on all right.
1 year ago